Total Backlog part 1--Brooklyn

Holy moley, the busy season does this to a fellow. My little scribble pad is full of places that I've vowed to review, only to not review. Many of these are antiquated, but probably still relevant.

The Meatball Shop--Williamsburg:

718.551.0520

Right in the center of the universe for Williamsburg, this place seemed to come out of nowhere one day and replace an old card shop (I think?). There's a few in the city, so like other local LES franchises (Grif dog's and San Loco to name a few) these guys decided to capitalize by exploiting their demographic. Anyway, it has all of the hipster fixins: marble bar, turn of the century vibe, and comfort food. Seems like a recipe for success, but how could they make it different enough to stand out from all of the other places doing the exact same thing? By using a dry erase marker on a jarring and poorly designed laminated menu to select your meatballs? Stupendous!

So there's this over-designed menu to contend with, and since I'm sitting at the bar trying to make sense of it, and the bartender is too busy rehearsing his bit to help us, how about a decent pilsner draft beer? PBR, the only option, is totally insufficient. And why I'm on the subject of the bar, I appreciate a comedian/bartender as much as the next asshole, but how about a little less joking around and a little more pouring my pisswater beer? The meatballs, on the other hand, are as good as advertised. Too bad they make it overly confusing to order and hire jackass bartenders.

Trix--Williamsburg:
347.599.0702

Speaking of overly designed, walk a few blocks north and you run into Trix. Completely re-done in all painted wood, this place was a florist shop for years, but eventually like everything Polish in this neighborhood transformed into a wooden bar with cute hipster waitresses.

Oddly, we ate here the night before the infamous Irene rain storm that came through. We had oysters, bruschetta with artichoke, and fries. I can't comment too much as this is way distant (more distant than I've ever gone before!) but I can say that I haven't been since--meaning I definitely didn't shit myself with excitement. Though, to be fair, it's hard to get that excited eating oysters. Unless, of course, they're very, very bad oysters.

Fat Goose--Williamsburg:
718.963.2200

This place is the culmination of someone trying to grasp the whole hipster Brooklyn thing by reading about it and replicating from magazine clippings. And boy oh boy, there's nothing worse than seeing a restaurant with hard working people destined to fail. The last time I wrote that was about the Clerkinwell in the LES and I was proven wrong. Much in the same vain I hope I'm wrong about this place, but we were here with my entire family the night before Thanksgiving and they had maybe, I'm being generous here, ten covers. The staff was clearly bored and worse, were used to it.

The chef came and served a lot of the stuff herself (clear sign of a dead restaurant--as she even had time to comment about a bad yelp post) which was a bummer because one of the appetizer specials was about as delectable as gravy train which made the fact we didn't eat it a little awkward when she came back. The entrees were all prepared well, and the vision of a game influenced menu is cool, but this place is too new, too polished, trying too hard. A game influenced menu should have a rustic vibe, not an overly varnished strip mall pedestal-table vibe.

The chef seemed sincere and was quite pleasant, too bad that doesn't equate to success in this town.

ISA--Brooklyn

(347) 689-3594

Pretty exciting one for me, only because the moment I have been waiting for has arrived. You see, I was at this place the exact same time as NY times reviewer Eric Asimov. This allows me to see how I work as a sort of litmus test against perhaps my most evasive (and newfangled) nemesis. Let's not forget the NY times and my history. It was them that took my idea of an occasional restaurant review and ran with it, leaving me to have a registered readership of nine while they stole all of the glory. It was them that rejected my resume time after time after time. It was the NY Times that publishes it's newspaper! This is my chance to show them what a real restaurant review is about. The facts: how hot was the server? How was the food? How well did they maintain my buzz while I checked out the server? Well, now we finally have the exact same dining experience to compare just who writes the better review:

As for a caveat, it is unfortunate that the person behind the bar was an old acquaintance/server at a previous restaurant. It's hard to write objectively about a friend's endeavor. I hereby declare using the scouts honor gang sign that I'm totally objective:

My Review:
Sat at the bar with the old wife after driving around looking for a place that wasn't going to serve us comfort food with some sort of Williamsburg gimick. Fortunately we found ISA, a quasi diner-esque venue opened by the same guys who made having a beard cool at Freeman's. We knew the bartender, which warranted us a few mistakenly made cocktails that were interesting but not shit-yourself-good. The place looked like it was made by a bunch of wood shop nerds. Seriously, wooden bar stools, wooden stools, wooden walls wood everywhere. There were a bunch of 30-something, feel-good, sustainable-eating, bohemian types, some of who were good looking enough to potentially give me, ehem, well you know.

The food? Complicated. I didn't have to ask to know that it was going to be preservative free, farm fresh, organically grown, delicately harvested, etc.. but that doesn't necessarily lead to deliciousness. It only means that you have a good conscious at best and have the right to be snobby to all other inhabitants of the US that are not rich or New Yorkers at worst. Was it good? Yes. The tar tar was superb as was the bread but the simple menu was a little too healthy for me. My wife on the other hand had a total boner meaning it was tasty and nutritious.

End of my review.

Their Review:

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/11/23/dining/reviews/isa-nyc-restaurant-review.html?pagewanted=all

I don't need you to tell me how superior my review is so don't bother, I already know.

Rosarito Fish Shack--Brooklyn

718.388.8833

Man oh man how times change. For many, many years this was the Williamsburg Cafe, then it changed to some restaurant with Sunny chef who's now back at the Essex house (Sunny made these awesome pork-brain dumplings one time at this pig roast, it's a long story by I ended up with sporks and tortillas in my hair and bit Bill Phelps on the dick at union pool) before it shuttered once again. I know this isn't very interesting to many people, but seeing a neighborhood like Williamsburg rapidly change is an odd and somewhat unnerving experience. I had brunch with both of my parents at the Williamsburg cafe, sitting below a wagon wheel that was suspended but what must have been velcro. My parents are divorced now. So there's that to think about.

The fish shack lost the cheesey tex mex vibe to install a more Latin feel. I'm not sure they pulled it off, but one thing is for sure: they serve fish. Fish tacos, fish ceviches, fish, fish fish. We went on a Sunday, With wife, other husband, other wife, and other husband's brother (other brother in law?) as I'm in the busy season and this is the only spare time I have. Our waitress suffered from news caster syndrome: the jarring switch from perfect English to perfectly pronounced Spanish when reciting the menu.

I made the mistake of trusting her to get me the best dish on the menu: which happened to be a fish stew that was comprised of everything about to spoil. It was good and hearty though. I had a bunch of margaritas so I'm not sure of anything else. Both wives said food was kind of bland, especially the crab tostada. But that white girl sure could say taquitos convincingly.