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What to say beloved eight? Yes, no longer nine, now eight. Not sure who dropped out, but good riddance. Eight's a better number for me anyway. More denominators. First cubed number out there.
So I finally saddled up to the most over priced steak dinner in all of the land. And it did not disappoint. I expected a full-fledged Lugering, but surprisingly enough this place had an air of legitimacy. Food wise, it was well-prepared. Price was to be expected (not on my dime, thankfully). What I found most interesting, however, was the Sommelier.
Pray-tell Iconman, what is so interesting about a guy walking around with a sippy-spoon trying other people's wine? Well, beloved eight, aside from the ridiculousness of the pomp and circumstance, I feel that this Sommelier' entire approach is completely misdirected.
Allow me a brief explanation. To have a knowledge of wine to where you recognize the different flavors, palates, what-have-you--"earthy," "grassy," etc... I feel you must have an above average knowledge of wine. That is, you know a California Red is gonna be this, or a Burgundy is gonna be that, and for the most part you have a handle on regions as they relate to expectations Wait, let me walk that back. I mean to a certain degree, 50% of the people on the planet that like wine enough to know what they like and will have inadvertently educated themselves enough to open up a wine list and see Burgundy and say to themselves--"Hey, I like burgundy. I'll try some."
Enter Sommelier. In my experience every Somm's MO is to saunter up to the table, while someone is thumbing through a forty page wine list, and ask what everyone is thinking. And here's the rub. I'm thinking, I can afford X, and therefore want the best possible wine for that price. I'm less concerned with earthiness, texture, label, or what you think I may like, and since I have someone at the table perfectly willing to pay several hundred dollars for wine, I don't want you to guess my opinion, I want your opinion. You're the fucking expert. Give me the best value for what pairs with what I am eating at the exact price that I can afford.
What do I get? "I have an interesting such and such..." and then the inevitably steer you to a place outside of your price range, to a wine that hasn't moved in ten years and they're just happy to ditch it on some schmuck that knows nothing about wine. Like me. And of course since it's $400 I'm not about to send it back and have to enjoy it in an emperor-wears-no-clothes sort of way.
Even as I write this I realize that there are probably a million Somm's out there that are going to roll their eyes and tell me I get what I deserve. They're not wrong. But I maintain that it's not as though there's a specialized beef taster to give you the perfect cut of meat. Or a spirit taster. And that's because wine so infinitesimally more complex. Which is my point. Somms should help you navigate that, not complicate it by asking a novice what they like. You might as well as ask a 4th grader to do calculus. Maybe if I knew more about the subject, I'd be less of an idiot. And that's a big maybe.
11 hours ago
